Track 10 from Plant New Dreams. After David Ketterling sent me bagels from California.

One day I got some bagels from a friend, who lives out west,
N when he mailed them to me, well, I know they were the best.
But by the time the post delivered them to my mailbox;
They could not be helped by peanut butter, cream cheese or lox.

So I put one in a microwave, where bagels should not reside.
I nuked it a few seconds; a thousand degrees franenhide.
Then I took out my old hacksaw and sliced it right in two.
I took a bite, n thanked the stars, they didn't come postage due.

Sending bagels through the mail is perhaps not really wise,
Unless of course you look right through the bagel's great disguise.
'Cause even though they're dried out, hard and tasteless to the core;
They bring love and memories of a friendship I adore.

And so, because I knew he could not find them on his block;
I UPS'D some snowballs in a bag with a zip-lock.
And when he saw them liquid there, he didn't know what to think.
He almost poured them in a glass and had himself a drink.

So he put them in a freezer. He did not procrastinate.
He left them for a day or two, so they'd reincarnate.
But when he took them out and found the snowballs lying flat,
He set them down upon the floor and fed them to his cat.

Sending snowballs UPS is perhaps not really wise.
Unless of course you look right through the snowballs great disguise;
'Cause even though they're useless now, as snowballs to be thrown;
They bring love and memories of a friendship seldom known.

Now we talk on the cel pone. We use fax and Internet.
But we haven't given up on mail or UPS quite yet.
We need not beat the speed of light to make our friendship work;
But space and time to grow ourselves, or we may go berserk.

Mailing bagels, snowballs, UPS is perhaps not really wise.
Unless of course you look right through and see their great disguise.
'Cause it won't matter what we send, we will not have to fear;
It will bring love and memories of a friendship we hold dear.